Selfless? Or Lacking Self-Worth?


People like me put others before themselves.

People like me act as if they’re not the most important person in their lives.

People like me don’t look after themselves as well as they should.

People like me need to make some changes.

If you’re anything like me, then read on!


I’m the girl who gets smashed in the face by a tennis ball (because someone’s doing something stupid), and goes to console the person who did it. I would hate for them to feel bad.

I’m the girl who asks my husband, “Have you been drinking enough water today?” whilst I know that my water intake has been less than impressive.

I’m the girl who offers up the last of those healthy leftovers in the fridge, and makes myself a crappy piece of toast. I’d prefer my loved one be nourished before me.

I definitely don’t want to sound like some kind of ‘look at me, look at me, I’m Mother Teresa reincarnated’ (Ha!), that’s far from the truth. But I do love to make sure that those closest to me are happy and healthy, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.

What is wrong, though, is that I find it hard to do the same for myself.

That circle of loved ones that I want so much for – I need to widen that circle and squeeze myself into it.

I can take care of those I love while still taking care of myself.

I am just as important as the people I love the most.

I am worthy.

And that’s what it all boils down to.

Worthiness.

I’ve spoken about this topic once before, but focused on being the example. You can read that post here. What I didn’t really consider at the time I wrote the previous post, was where our selflessness (concerned more with the needs of others than with our own) was coming from. As I’ve learned, it comes from a place of un-worthiness.

We can be concerned with the needs of others while still being equally concerned of our own needs. In fact, as I wrote about previously, being concerned with our own needs is vital if we want to adequately care for others, too.

So, now we know, maybe our worthiness could do with some work. Not to lift ourselves to a place where we put ourselves before the ones we love (baby steps!) but to simply rise to a place where we are of equal importance and take care of ourselves as well as we take care of others.

I still believe that the ultimate goal will be to make ourselves number 1, because it benefits those we love as much as it benefits ourselves, but we’ll start slow…

"There are no prerequisites for worthiness." - Brene Brown

Where does unworthiness show up in your life?

  • When you put others needs before your own?

  • When you choose unhealthy food options?

  • When you skip a workout?

  • When you hide behind caked-on makeup?

  • When you refuse help from others?

  • When you take crap from people?

  • When you always end up with the crap jobs at work?

  • When you say ‘yes’ when your entire being is screaming at you to say ‘no’?

  • When jealousy rears its ugly head?

  • When you stay in the dead-end job you hate?

  • When you don’t allow yourself time to relax?

  • When you stay friends with toxic people?

I could go on forever… I’ve been there, too.

Write down all the ways unworthiness shows up in your life. Become brutally aware.

What are your limiting beliefs surrounding worthiness?

Listen to what your inner critic says.

  • I can’t do…

  • I’m not good enough for…

  • I don’t have…

  • I won’t be able to…

Are you comparing yourself to others? Is your self-talk mostly negative? Do you talk yourself out of every good idea you have? Do you stay in your comfort zone too often? Are you easily influenced?


Become aware of the negative self-talk, write it down, and then write it's opposite next to it. Become aware of what you automatically say and begin to counteract it with positive words.


For example:


Negative: I can't workout daily because I've lost all my strength after having kids.

Positive: I can workout daily, slowly build my strength, and show my kids how important it is to care for their bodies.

Increase your worth

There are so many ways you can increase your worth! I’ve only included 7 ideas, to reduce overwhelm. Let’s start small and choose one or two things to begin with, gradually increasing.

  1. Make a list of all the things you’re good at.

  2. Write down the positive things you bring to the world.

  3. Begin using positive affirmations. Post a few powerful ones around your home.

  4. Make more time for self-care – doing the things that make you feel great. Then actually stick to it!

  5. Listen to guided meditations on worthiness (I've listed a few below).

  6. Take responsibility over your life. Your self-worth is up to you!

  7. Understand that self-worth is within you already. It does not come and go depending on the relationships you have, the things you own, or your career. It is within you, it is already maxed-out at 100%, and it’s ready for you to find.

Tools

I’ve done a lot of work on my self-worth, and I’m gaining more and more every day! I’ve read the amazing books and used the fantastic meditations listed below. Although they are mostly paid tools, they are extremely valuable and I highly recommend them.

Cassie Mendoza-Jones:

Melissa Ambrosini:

It shouldn’t be so difficult to take care of ourselves and do the right thing for our bodies. To meditate in the morning, to do 10 minutes of yoga, to go for a walk outside, to hit the gym, to steam a pile of veggies for lunch… Our level of self-worth is the thing that’s holding us back. It’s making it hard. Harder than it really is.

We improve our worthiness, and we’ll improve our lives. And, guess what else? We’ll improve the lives of those around us, too. You'll be a shining example for your kids to follow. We want them to live their best lives, and they want us to live ours, too.

As with everything, this is just the beginning. The rest of the work is up to you. You’re in control of your life. Your worthiness is entirely in your hands!

You are worthy.

Love & Happiness

Mel xx


P.S Do you know someone who could really benefit from reading this? To give them the motivation and push they need to make a difference in their own lives and the lives of the young people around them? Share this post with them. Even if they don't embrace it straight away, you've done your part. Thank you.


The next step:

Commit to being the change, and get started on my IHH 10 Days of Gratitude Challenge. Sign up now to receive your FREE copy. I made it especially for you :) (and not once did I let Adobe InDesign beat me! Ok, maybe once…)



#wellness #youth #mentalhealth #wellbeing #happiness #gratitude #positiveeducation #positivity #love #health #kids #mum #dad #children #child #mentalillness #depression #anxiety #childdepression #adolescent #meditation #visualization #visualisation #lifecoach #bestlife #knowyourself #discover #loveyourself #create

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